I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
