Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
