i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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