I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
