I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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