It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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