im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
