You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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