I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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