yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
