You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
