i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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