the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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