More tranny stories later!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
