Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
