I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
