There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
