I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
