True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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