You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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