doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
