ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
