Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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