I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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