It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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