super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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