Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Is it because I queefed?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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