I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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