You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
