The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
