WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
