I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
