He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
