what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
