I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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