i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
