Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
