You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
