bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
