I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
