he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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