Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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