Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
