you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
