I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
