At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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