if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
