Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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