What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
