So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
