I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
