**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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