I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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