i already hear my dad disowning me
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
