Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This can only be settled by a dance off.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
