you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
