he wants to bone in the snuggie
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
