stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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