McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
