That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
