i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
