Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
