that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize