one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
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