Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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